Commitment

I’ve decided, in the most unceremonious way I can think of, to start blogging as part of my daily work commitment. It does not come so much out of a desire to catalogue this period of my life. I am not very happy with it and would have it slip into the depths of the past any day. However, my dissatisfaction about the way things have been going lately has made me realize that I need to force myself into a routine. I few hundred words of mental masturbation each morning could certainly help that.

So Friday night, as I was fretting over the usual things and thinking about my approaching birthday, I realized I need some kind of daily task that must be accomplished even if I had no articles for the day. So here we are.

I turned 21 yesterday, but my weekend was pretty sad. I’ve been a touch toward the side of depression lately. It started when I was laid off from my job as a proofreader of digital books at the beginning of the year. Without the distraction of going to work and with the dread that I would have to find work, I became sullen. After some discussion with my husband I decided that I would freelance fulltime. I have always been a writer, so I might as well do it. I started and now I get up every morning, look for jobs, write, get distracted, etc.

This change of career and big commitment to a new business coincides with my husband entering his first semester of taking 6 hours of graduate school. He is gone after work two nights a week and is usually studying on the others. It has been hard on both of us. I need people because I am alone all day, but he is too busy to be able to really help. So, I’ve been in some despair. I saw family this weekend, but when they were gone I just felt lonelier than ever. I’ve decided that I’m going to have to start writing it all out, because if I don’t it’ll only get worse.

So what is this blogging commitment? I’d say it’s one part professional development. I want to become a better writer. I want to be able to have confidence in my abilities. This way, I can see some progression. It’s another part therapy. I’m out of college, married, and trying to nurture a business, but I’m at a loss as to what life’s all about. I’m not used to lacking clear objectives. Finally, it is a buoy in an ocean of uncertainty. The lack of structure in my current day makes me nervous. I’d like to have something I can count on.

Thanks for letting me talk it out.

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